If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
