yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
