i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
