she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How external is "for external use only"?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
