Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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