Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had to coat check the pizza.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
