put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no, he came in my armpit
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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