Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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