There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize