we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
