Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
