a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize