im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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