Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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