is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
