I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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