Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
