We're facebook friends in real life
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
