Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize