I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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