I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
