I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
