I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
