Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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