this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I touched a dick in church today
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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