wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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