It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
