so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
