my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
