Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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