i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize