drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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