toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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