Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
