he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
