I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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