Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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