his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm passing your future prison.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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