First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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