Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
