I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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