This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize