12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
