we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
