if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
