$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
