I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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