sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
