We're facebook friends in real life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So much rum. So many feels.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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