mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize