I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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