"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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