I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
