Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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