It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
