haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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