It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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