dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
