Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
