i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
