I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
