Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
