its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
