first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
