It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
