If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
