I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
