I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
