im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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