Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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