Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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