Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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