you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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