Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
