the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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