Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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