I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my shit smells like andre
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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