Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
